BWF Ring... Gone?!
That's right. BWF's ring was stolen by an irate gardener, who claimed that the matres...
ring was killing too much grass. So, they disposed of the ring and replaced it with a giant shed... which is killing
even more grass. This is clearly ridiculous, and has led to the recent lack of BWF. Several episodes should be
coming soon as we now have new ring. Huzzah and hooray.
BWF'S LESSER KNOWN SUPERSTAR
That's right, BWF has a superstar that not many people know about. His name is "the 3-legged chair".
The three-leggede chair originally got its characteristic missing leg when someone backstage fell on it, snapping the leg
off. Witer T then used the chair to embarrass Goat Boy on the T Break. Later on, Suicidal Tendencies, being the
complete moron he is, jumped off it. Amazingly, it didn't fall over. He did it again, and once again the chair
held. He even chokeslammed himself off it, still without the chair falling over. Incredible. The chair can
be seen in the background of the following picture:
NO LOVE LOST
This summer's PPV will be comeing at you pretty soon. This event looks to be one of the biggest
events that BWF have ever held. Not since BackyardMania has so much action been seen. Well, it hasn't actually
been seen yet, because it hasn't actually happened. But it will... yeah...
BWF MAYHEM TAPE NOW ON SALE!
That's right. The first Mayhem of the season is now available on tape on eBay. Visit
eBay and search for BWF, and I'm sure you'll find it! Matchs include:
Hardcore Title: Nelson FlashHeart Vs. Suicidal Tendencies
Phoenix Vs Scorpian
Intercontinental Title: MC Pain Vs. Eternal Darkness
BWF Title: Murorga Sim Bowa Vs. the Escaped Convict
And dont' forget the T break, with the guest Goat Boy!
BWF has a new superstar! Independant talent Heavy Metal Man, who uses the Iron Maiden and Sound
Bite as his finishers is set to debut after No Love Lost! The Utra-charismatic fairly experienced wrestler is thought
to be currently collecting his thoughts so that he can target the best suited wrestler to fall victim to his wrestling style.
Finally, we at the BWF are ready for our new season. The following superstars were unfortunately
lost due to an incident backstage involving one of the managers of BWF and various superstars. I won't go into any detail,
but involved 2 rather large cabbages, Suicidal Tendencies' father, 12 herrings, a fish who can speak, a time traveler, Ed's
book, my book, Matt's piece of paper (which he calls a book), a French man, an ugly person (or was that the French man?
I forget), and a pair of tweesers:
Dark Angel was also suspended.
Many people are commenting on our commentator. His name is God, and he is... well... God, I suppose. Despite
his annoyingly slow counts, which even allowed Suicidal Tendencies to kick out of 5 Murorga Power Slamma Jammas, God has become
one our most loved "superstars". His conversations with Eternal Darkness are particularly hilarious.
We here at the BWF are ready to start a new season, and will be introducing some more superstars
in order to kick start the federation into the action-packed powerhouse that it was before we all got snowed-over by homework
and the such-like.
We are currently in the midst of publishing the BWF autobiographies of Ho Chi Minh ("From War to
Worse"), M.C. Pain ("The Way to Go if You're Biggin' it Bo!") and Eternal Darkness (20,001 Leagues Under the Sea"):
Ho Chi Minh's tells the shocking tale of how he fought in the Vietnam War, and how he is finding it more difficult in
the BWF; M.C. Pain's tells how he became te most well known rap-star in the world without anyone noticing; and
Eternal Darkness's tells us how he made the journey from his home beneath the sea to the world of BWF. Stay tuned.
Unfortunatly, we have had to fire the great (cough, splutter, choke, turn red, pass out, die) wrestlers
Irritable Bowel Syndrome (I.B.S.) and the Awesome Rectum, due to the surprising amount of furniture they were devouring back-stage
GROUND BREAKING NEWS!!!
Recently, the "managers" of BWF realised that they were getting bored with the current
goings-on. So, we have decided to refresh the BWF.
That's right BWF will be...
We have decided to split BWF into two shows (Mayhem and Carnage) with 12 charactrers and
3 titles per show. This is very exciting for all of the BWF.
WAIT A MINUTE! I hear you cry. Or, I do if you speak English. If you're French then you're
probably saying something like MAIS NON! but no one cares about the French anyway. Now, the reason you are saying "wait a
minute" in block capitals (you ARE saying it, aren't you?) is because there are not 24 characters in the BWF. That maybe so.
Infact there are only 16. However, we have thought of that and we have a cunning plan:
We have decided to bring in some independant talent and some people from CWF (Crap Wrestling
Federation, our "training ground") and from WCW (they need the money. Don't know why they come here, we havn't got any!)
In order to increase the tension, I won't tell you the names of our people. Instead I
will give you clues as to their identities, and for some I won't even do that:
1. You may develop a "Fear of the Dark"
2. The sun tends to hurt the eyes of your herd
3. Expect some bad weather
4. Don't keep changing your name and ripping your clothes
5. Face paint is meant for your FACE
6. Mr Anus may develop a band of followers
There will be a prize with for anyone who sends the right answers to my address.
Also, we have decided to give awards to some people, as we're at the end of the season.
Go to the Awards page for more details.
NOOOOOOOOO! Murorga Sim Bowa CAPTURED on school camera! Shown
below, he is giving Mr. Roebuck a strange look whilst BBQing for the sixth form. This is unacceptable seeing as the Murorga
was meant to be in mental re-habilitation on this day!